About Rrrandy
I am a male hog of the breed called Large White and I am running for the Presidency of the United States of America, formerly on the Neocon ticket of the Republican Party, now for the eminently more reasonable Horse Sense Party.
Republicans refer to themselves as the GOP, which they publicly claim stands for Grand Old Party, but secretly means Got Only Pigs. They should fess up to it, be proud.
Pigs are quite intelligent, some scientists rating us the fifth smartest species in the so-called (by humans) animal kingdom, from which some humans exempt themselves. We pigs deserve a higher rating, but I have yet gotten a dolphin to debate me on the matter.
I walk on my hind legs and speak rather well, despite a little trouble with Bs and Ps. I read voluminously and watch satellite TV insatiably. Lots of good stuff out there: Fox News, CNN, The Daily show, the Colbert Report, old movies, Law & Order and CSI in their various manifestations, game shows, the History Channel, of course the Animal Channel, baseball. (I don’t watch football for the obvious reason.)
While I possess other amazing abilities–you’re reading my writing, aren’t you?–you are unlikely to find another quite like me. Ergo, this may be your only chance to vote Rrrandy Wurst into the White House, because if I lose, I’m likely to become barbeque.
Anyway, I soak up all the worthwhile news, philosophy, and commentary, and much that isn’t worthwhile. I discuss it with my dear friend Eugene, a former big city journalist, who raised me from a milk-sucking squealer to become the candidate I am today and another friend, Roland DeMeo, a retired sausage maker from Secaucus. So, I hope you enjoy my thoughts and those of my friends and acquaintances out there in the blogosphere. If you feel the urge to respond, please do, but keep it clean as this is one pig without my brethren’s penchant for mud.
And please, for the sake of our great nation and its future, buy a mug or a t-shirt, or SOMETHING, to keep the “Rrrandy Wurst Campaign Train” rolling.
